King David and His Howling Commandos
As Renaissance political scientist Niccolo Machiavelli noted, the fall of Rome came about when its military elite, known as the Praetorian Guard, gained control over the emperor and the Senate. Had irony survived the Bush Jr. administration, it would relish that America’s empire is crumbling under the undue influence of its military elite, the United States Special Operations Command (SOCOM).
A May 24 New York Times story by Mark Mazzetti informed us that last September “King David” Petraeus empowered himself, through a secret directive, to expand “clandestine military activity” throughout his Central Command (CENTCOM) area of responsibility without seeking permission of Congress or the commander in chief. “Clandestine military activity” involves SOCOM assets.
The Mazzetti story, sourced to unnamed “defense officials,” was the first volley in the next round of the information warfare being conducted among elements of the national security structure to avoid taking the fall for the miserable failures of our Iraq and Bananastan* misadventures while managing to keep the Long War going for an indeterminate length of time.
The rest of the media gave little bandwidth to Mazzetti’s story until unnamed “senior military and administration officials” leaked in anger to Karen DeYoung and Greg Jaffe of the Washington Post. A June 4 article titled “U.S. ‘Secret War’ Expands Globally as Special Operations Forces Take Larger Role” announced that the “Obama administration has significantly expanded a largely secret U.S. war against al-Qaeda and other radical groups.”
DeYoung and Jaffe hint that the White House is driving the escalation of special force activity against the Evil Caliphate (the neocons’ post-Cold War successor to the Evil Empire), or is at least a willing victim. Special-ops types have “become a far more regular presence” at the executive mansion, even more so than they were during the Bush administration. “We have a lot more access,” one military official told DeYoung and Jaffe. From the way this military official talked, the White House is doing everything shy of handing out sexual favors to attract SOCOM’s help and loyalty. He says OBAMACOM is “asking for ideas and plans … calling us in and saying, ‘Tell me what you can do. Tell me how you do these things.’”
“These things” boil down to those things that Stanley McChrystal and his band of merry assassins did when he commanded the Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC): zorch around the western half of Asia like Sergeant Fury and his Howling Commandos blowing away “suspected” terrorists and civilians galore on the basis of intelligence gathered from human sewers – like Afghan drug lord Wali Karzai – who love nothing better than having the U.S. military pay them handsomely for the privilege of rubbing out their enemies.
(Here’s something else irony would have liked: Adm. Gary Roughead, the sycophant who became chief of Naval Operations after Adm. Mike Mullen got promoted to Joint Chiefs chairman for changing his vote to “aye, aye, sir” on the Iraq surge, said for the record in 2009 that “The biggest breakthrough in the current fight in [Iraq and Afghanistan] is the successful integration of intelligence with operations.” Judas hanging from a redbud tree, how do cement-heads like Roughead wind up in positions of such enormous power?)
What’s more, Gen. Stan and his Hooligan Clan pulled their deadly shenanigans under direct orders of Dick Cheney, who as vice president didn’t have a pig’s wings’ worth of constitutional or legal standing in the military chain of command. Special operators were shaking in their jump boots at the prospect that all their beautiful wickedness might melt away if a Democrat became their commander in chief, but lo! Obama turned out to be their newest, biggest, bestest buddy since Sgt. Hulka from Stripes.
Candidate Obama got his tongue stuck in a wringer when he begged for the war mongrel vote by promising to “get the job done” in Afghanistan. When it came time to decide whether to keep executing all those drone raids that were killing so many innocent Bananastani bystanders, Commander in Chief Obama said, sure, heck, what else we got going for us? YES YOU CAN execute more special force assassinations. This COIN (counterinsurgency) bull plop we’ve been feeding the public isn’t going to work. We have to do something, even if it’s something stupid like blindly striking at suspected evildoers and killing lots of civilians in the process. Sure, that just adds more recruits to the ranks of the evildoers than we had before, but it’s better than doing nothing, right?
So you’d think the SOCOM commandos have all the autonomy to spread mayhem globally that they could possibly want, but no, they’re howling for more. They don’t want to work for anyone who isn’t a special operator and doesn’t understand their special needs. They “bridle” at the authority of wimp ambassadors who “control who comes in and out of their country.” They “chafe” at needing permission from the president and secretary of defense to use lethal force outside of war zones. They want to wreak whatever havoc they feel like wreaking whenever and wherever the feel like wreaking it, and they don’t want to hear any guff about it.
Will no one protect the world from these psychopaths? This invertebrate president and Congress certainly won’t. The Constitution won’t save us. Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin would have anybody who challenged SOCOM in court bludgeoned to death with tea bags for failure to support the troops.
Be on the alert for Joe Lieberman or some other congressional concubine of the warmongery to introduce legislation that cancels the parts of Title 10 of U.S. Code that require SOCOM forces to conduct missions under the “command of the commander of the unified combatant command in whose geographic area the activity or mission is to be conducted” unless “otherwise directed by the president or the secretary of defense.”
Yeah, the snake eaters and frogmen have a good thing going now, what with their buddy Petraeus in charge of CENTCOM, and a pushover president, and bureaucratic twit Bob Gates for a SECDEF. But they’d like to get their civilian chain of command neutered in writing in case somebody with a pair of baby-makers ever gets elected president (you never know, it might happen).
And look for the recent discovery of “vast riches” of untapped mineral deposits in Afghanistan to be the excuse Obama needs to cave in to the military’s demands to flush his withdrawal timeline all the way to the chow hall. The decades it will take for Afghanistan to exploit its riches plays into SOCOM’s “Era of Persistent Conflict” [.pdf] like an egret plays into an oil spill.
*The Bananastans are Afghanistan and Pakistan, our Central Asian banana republics where U.S. and NATO troops are under the command of “Bananas” Stan McChrystal.
Read more by Jeff Huber
- $80 Billion Down the Plumbing – November 1st, 2010
- Bull Feather Merchant Marines – October 25th, 2010
- Don’t Ask, Don’t Care – October 20th, 2010
- Long Warfare Theory – October 11th, 2010
- Uncle Bob Wants You – October 4th, 2010





E. A. Costa
June 15th, 2010 at 4:24 am
"Gen. Stan and his Hooligan Clan pulled their deadly shenanigans"
Nicely rhymed and modulated prose.
There's a major consolation in this: as far as one knows, in all of recorded history Special Operations troops have never won a war.
Oh–maybe that is part of the Secret Plan.
k1w1
June 15th, 2010 at 4:58 am
Another great article from Mr. Huber.
"Gen. Stan and his Hooligan Clan".
I love the prose! That one made me laugh out loud. Reminds me of Lynly Dodd, authour of such classics as Hairy McCleary from Donaldson's Dairy…
epppie
June 15th, 2010 at 5:01 am
A transcendant Huberism:
"Special operators were shaking in their jump boots at the prospect that all their beautiful wickedness might melt away if a Democrat became their commander in chief, but lo! "
It seems that COIN and Special Ops are being folded together into a one virulently toxic mix, complete deniability, complete impunity, and a global 'jurisdiction', and no discernable mission beyond the deployment, consolidation and expansion of power.
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MoT
June 15th, 2010 at 6:09 am
Thanks for the "wicked" laughs, in between the tears, Jeff.
bogi666
June 15th, 2010 at 10:32 am
I suggest that the Spec Ops clan does, in their own thoughts, think it has won wars on computers anyway. They are unable to discern their, especially group thoughts,own thoughts from facts. Computer victories don't need facts. This is mindlessness, the inability to discern thoughts from facts. Mindlessness is institutionalized in government, business and churches, which gives mindlessness legitimacy. Mindlessness is what is governing the Pentagon.
Phil Giraldi
June 15th, 2010 at 11:53 am
"Integrating intelligence with operations?" How about some intelligent operations for a change? One assumes that they have been going along running intel ops just for the fun of it, like a video game in an arcade. Actually that is probably exactly what they have been doing. The scary thing is that this whole thing will implode in about a year, the US will leave Afghanistan with its tail between its legs hated by all Afghans except for the crooks we have been supporting, and we will have left behind a lot of dead Americans and Afghans. The only thing we will have to look forward to is the $1 trillion in debt that funded the war that our grandchildren will have to pay off .
Good luck
June 15th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
“Bananas” Stan McChrystal. I thought it was Chaos-i-stan.
june8642
June 15th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Absolutely correct! What are our "wins" in Iraq? Thus far, I have not read or heard of any value received by Americans or Iraqis in that March 2003 continuing war — only losses. Likewise, the Afghanistan war — only losses. Furthermore, it is madness to even consider striking Iran for nuclear weapons that do not exist in Iran. All of these losses have been at Israel's behest. Through Israel's control of the US Congress and Presidency, It is proves to every Middle East governing authority that it will be removed from power by the US if it does not allow Israel hegemony over its actions. Aid for the Palestinians was the reason for Sadddam's removal and is no doubt the reason for ramping up a war with Iran.
Bruce Richardson
June 15th, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Jeff, brilliant as usual.
Our beleagured Constitution is under endless assault from America's Praetorian Guard. Will it never end??
NewandExciting
June 15th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
The continued rise of militarism in the US is stunning. I have friends and acquaintances who are against 'big government' except where 'defense' is concerned. 'So let me get this straight. We can't trust the federal government when it comes to matters of taxation or regulation or welfare because of fraud and incompetence. Yet some how this very same entity is somehow magically qualified to make life or death decisions all over the world vis-a-vis prosecuting 'The War on Terror?' And to question any of the policies of this entity is unpatriotic? Huh?' It's really hard to go against this ingrained belief that the military is infallible and necessary when in fact it is likely the largest government entitlement program in existence. And the longer we resist a thorough accounting of how our tax money is spent within this organization the more bloated and wasteful it becomes.
Jeremiah
June 15th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
It seems to me that we have two prime factions competing for control of US war policy: 1.) a pro-Militant Zionist faction, who desire near-term escalation against Iran, and a long-term foreign policy concentrated on neutralizing any Muslim states that might prove future risks to Israeli regional hegemony; and 2.) the "Praetorian Guards"—and an associated complex of careerists and profiteers—who are leery of dramatic, potentially disastrous escalations, and who wish to keep the "Long War" at a manageable, profitable, career- and power-enhancing simmer.
The latter faction as a self-interested and powerful counterbalance against the Israel Firsters is probably our best hope for averting an Iran War. This is not to say, of course, that the Praetorians' alternative program of perpetual, "low-heat" war and a growing role for the military in the new, unwritten US "constitution" is in any wise desirable. Indeed, such a scenario of "salvation" might be likened to a flock of sheep being saved from a hungry lion by a ravenous wolf.
Jeremiah
June 15th, 2010 at 10:34 pm
And, by the way, thanks for the great article, Cmdr. Huber! To inform one's readers of horrible realities while giving them a much-needed chuckle or two along the way is no mean feat .
Pratap
June 16th, 2010 at 2:51 am
Mr. Huber, nicely done Sir. Either these men are wound up too tight or the air must be really thin where their heads are at. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCvVdfeH05Y&pl…